Mindset Tools for Creatives - Part 5: Questions
As an empowerment photographer & mindset coach, it is integral to keep my own mindset in check so I can show up and do the work for my clients. Over the next few days I am going to be sharing with you my favorite tools that I use to keep on track, focused, and in a relatively positive (or at least resilient) mindset.
Tool 4: Questions
Many of us go through our lives just doing what we’ve always done, wishing things were different sometimes, but not knowing what to do or how to move forward. As a creative this can make us feel stagnant, stuck, and spinning without hope and that can lend itself to harming our goals and desires as creatives - business owners or not.
One of the best tools that I have implemented in my self growth has been a mindset of curiosity and the desire to ask questions, but it wasn’t always this way. For many of us, we opt for judgment instead of curiosity and that just causes us to stay put and feel worse about ourselves. It is imperative that when we feel frustrated, angry, bitter, jealous, etc. that we take a deeeeeeeeep breath (to calm the body) and then jump into curiosity and questioning. If we stay in judgement, our emotional brain will take over and we will not find any solutions, however, if you can take a beat, and just engage your pre-frontal cortext to think critically in terms of questions, you will be able to move forward. In this post, I am going to share with you the most common questions I ask myself when I feel stuck in my creative process, my business, or otherwise.
What am I making this mean?
Oooooh, this is a good one and a perfect one to help you get through your ABC model we spoke about before. I always say “Things happen, we just attach meaning to them.” If you find yourself stressing out over a specific instance or feeling thrown off guard, asking this question will help you reflect and think about where the feelings are coming from. I sometimes will use this question to self coach myself through thought processes to get to the really deep stuff that underlies the initial feeling or trigger. Here is an example of how I would work this:
Situation: Client screenshots photos from my gallery and doesn’t pay me for my time (aka they steal from me)
Reaction: hurt/disappointment/sadness/frustration
Question: What am I making this situation mean?
Response: It hurts because I can’t believe someone would take advantage of me and why I do what I do.
Question: And what does that mean?
Response: That means that I am easy to take advantage of and people don’t value what I have to offer
Question: And what does that mean?
Response: That means that I’m not valuable.
Question: And what does that mean?
Response: That means that I am not worth anything and no one will like me
Does the situation still suck? Absolutely - but I can’t control what other people do and it just means I need to have better systems in place to prevent that - someone else’s behavior does not have to reflect poorly on me - but I was choosing to make it about me. By asking this question, I am able to set aside the emotional component so I can come up with systems and strategies to ensure it doesn’t happen again - if I DON’T ask this question, I will continue to feel like shit AND I probably will have a harder time finding solutions.
2. Is it good for the business or good for the ego?
This question is taped above my computer at the studio so that it reminds me not to give away the farm. As a heart-centered business person with self worth issues, it is common to want to give things away to people in an effort to make them like you more (Though you tell yourself it’s because you are a good person, but really it is a manipulation tactic you probably learned when you were little - I certainly did!) It was at the end of 2017 when I was doing my taxes and I realized I had given away over $60,000 worth of sessions, images, experiences!! And while that may not sound like a lot to some people, when you end up profiting less than the poverty line ($28,000) you need to reign it in a bit. I truly believe it is important to build in “giveaways” to your pricing structure (something I talk about in my upcoming Empowerment for Everybody workshop), but it is also important that you create a sustainable business practice for you and your dreams.
The other place this question is handy is when I find myself scrolling through photography groups on Facebook and suddenly, I feel motivated to buy:
new furniture
new clothes
new decor
etc.
Asking this question stops my cycle of “If I buy this THEN I will be successful” and makes me justify how it will actually be an investment INTO the business and NOT into my ego.
3. Is that true? Do you know that to be 100% truuuuue?
This little beauty of a question comes from Byron Katie’s The Work and this question has been one of the best ways to put things into a realistic perspective removed from our BELIEFS. Standardly the assumptions we make about the behaviors and actions of others are not all based in truth and we project our own beliefs onto them - causing a breakdown in communication, frustration on our part, and just stress all around.
I use this question when I want to get into a blamey mode or start assuming things about people. By asking myself “Do I know this to be true?” I have to take a step back and say “No, I don’t know that this is true.” at which point I then go back to the “What does that mean?” line of questioning.
I highly recommend checking out Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is - it will change your life.
4. What is the outcome that I desire?
If you are in my everyBODIES education group, you have probably heard me say this multiple times. The reason for that is is to help keep me focused on the main point of my actions and to help me be more intentional. I ask this question when responding to comments, posts, creating courses, even my photoshoots. By having an outcome, I can then reverse engineer to strategize on the best way to achieve my desired outcome. If I don’t stop to ask this question, I am just shouting into the void hoping someone will hear me which usually ends up with more frustration on my part and the part of the person I am communicating with. I also use this question when it comes to designing my client experiences. One of the questions I ask them is “What is the intention you want to set for your shoot?” which is another way to say “What is the outcome you desire?” this helps me to plan ahead of time different lighting, posing, styling, and communication to achieve their desired outcome.
