Inventory (or rather, Inven-Teri)

[Studio in 2016]

I am 3 shoots away from being done in this studio and it is incredibly bittersweet - the bitter sometimes overpowers the sweet. Like a sour cherry you didn’t expect.

When I think of the alchemy this studio and I have created together, giving space to so many voices and bodies to be seen, heard, and understood I can’t help but be sad that the end of this era is near. I’ll be okay - I always am - but this part is always the hardest.

I’m stuck in the “Still here!” and “Adios” phase of this growth and my heart and mind continue to be at war. The only solace I have is the reminder to myself that I have to trust myself.

Dresses - $30
Shirts - $5
Jackets - $20
Blue Ikea couch - $250
Ikea table - $25
Rugs (big) - $50

I’m at the inventory stage, but here’s what this inventory doesn’t see:

Dresses - liberation of folks who forgot how to dance
Shirts - sexual reclamation of folks who had their power stripped away
Jackets - bad ass boldness channeled by folks who felt small
Blue Ikea couch - permission to take up space by folks who felt they weren’t allowed
Ikea table - written words and tear stained pages of the first Body Image Bootcamp
Rugs (big) - stretching out and feeling the sun on skin that hadn’t seen the sun in years

I could go on and on about how each piece in this space contributed to my larger mission of empowerment, healing, and growth: not just for my clients, but also for me.

[Studio in 2020]

I faced the worst parts of myself and won.
I remembered how to play.
I found something bigger than me.
I learned more about myself and what I was capable of.
I dreamed beyond the 1700 sqf.
I connected with people.
I taught.
I created.
I cried.
I ate.
I slept.
I smiled.
I exhaled.

I look at the beautiful white tin roof and am brought back to the surprise clients experienced when they lifted their chins for the first time in a long time.
I look at the copious amounts of nail holes I put in the walls to accommodate my desire to remodel every 3 months and create new sets for folks to enjoy.
I look at the dark blue wall that Sarah painted for me in lieu of me babysitting her child and taking her photos.
I look at the windowsills that I encouraged folks to stand in and remember how they took it a step further, showing their bodies in a joyful exhibitionist way to whomever was in the building across the road.
I look at the paint stained carpet squares and glitter shoved in between the floorboards and am reminded of the Body Image Bootcamp graduations and glitter celebrations.
I look at my peach painted wall and remember how inspired I was after being in Italy and wanting a textured wall only to realize I didn’t have the patience to create one.
I stare out my dust caked windows to the beautiful sunsets and remember just how many purple and pink skies I’ve been privvy to, simply because of this space.

I will remember, how on blizzardy winter nights, I’d stay overnight - safe, warm (a little too warm sometimes), and loved.
I will remember, how when I’d think of something I desired I’d find it a few weeks later in the garbage room - ie. my manifestation room.
I will remember, the amount of furniture and clothing I bought, filling the space to the brim because I didn’t think that I was enough as I was.
I will remember, the 6 foot Unicorn that made me face my spending habits.
I will remember the laughter, the tears, the babies, the bellies, the boobs, the stretchmarks, the hip dips, the countless apologies for existence, the grieving, the processing, the pain, the pleasure, the reunification, the connection, the desire, the couples, the mamas, the lives, the journeys, the milestones, the dreams, the books given away, articles of clothing given away, the interviews, the creations - THE LIFE this space held.

Studio in [2022]

This space made magic.
I made magic.

I remember before I moved in here, I had a calling.
An urge.
I knew I was going to be in 70 Arthur St. even though I had never been in there before.
I couldn’t explain it.
It was 10 X the price of the previous studio I had.
In fact, Jill said we should go look at other spaces and we did.
In fact, the leasing agent said I probably wouldn’t like this space because it had carpet squares.
In fact, as soon as I opened the door I heard it:

”Welcome home.”

So, now, I’m here - not just taking inventory, but also inven-Teri.