What Really Happens When They Call Me “FATTY”?
By coming to terms with my body, it became easier to realize what I am ACTUALLY afraid of.
The other day someone called me “Fatty” thinking that it would make me feel bad or make me feel sad about myself - but the reality is is that the word FAT does not hold power over me. I am not sad that people think my body is fat because I KNOW my body is fat and I KNOW that it doesn’t make me less valuable.
However, this comment still affected me and it got me thinking about why that was.
Why did I feel hurt about being called fat, when I know that fat is not bad?
Looking further at the context of the situation, I realized that this person disliked what I had to say and was “disappointed” in my stance on a certain topic.
And that’s when I realized:
I WASN’T HURT THAT THEY CALLED ME FAT -
I WAS HURTING BECAUSE I MIGHT HAVE DISAPPOINTED SOMEONE AND CAUSED THEM TO BEHAVE/REACT THE WAY THEY DID.
OOF.
Being able to push aside the attack on my body I was able to truly see where my hurt came from and recognizing that it came from the fear I’ve always felt about disappointing people or having them not like me allowed me to realize where I still need to work on my thoughts. Had I taken their statement about my body as the reason I felt upset, then it would have made me turn on this glorious body of mine, but because I am confident in my body I knew I had to see where the hurt was ACTUALLY coming from.
Turns out, I have People Pleaser written all over me and I want to make everyone around me like me and feel good - yes, even the trolls on the internet who have no stock in my life or business - and this is something I have been working on but it is still a point of pain for me (clearly!)
However, being able to recognize that the hurt I felt was not actually because of my body, but rather it was me believing that a) I disappointed someone and b) I was responsible for their actions allowed me to take the next steps to soothing the hurt:
Acknowledge the hurt: Someone insulted me and it hurt.
Get Curious: Is it someone who knows you? No.
Why do you think it hurt? Because I disappointed them with something I said/did and made them react.
Is that true? Are you responsible for their reaction/emotional response? No.
Are you responsible for ANYONE’S emotional response? Only my own.
Does the thought “I disappointed someone and made them react” make you feel more or less confident? Less.
So, if the person isn’t someone who knows anything about you and what you think about what they said makes you feel less confident, do you want to keep thinking it ?
No.
What thought WILL help you process these feelings and become the person you want to be?
I am not responsible for the reactions of others and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I know my body is fat and I know that that isn’t why I feel hurt - it is a common tactic for people to criticize a person’s body (particularly women’s) when they disagree with their opinion/statement/beliefs.
I am entitled to my opinion and it is not my job to avoid disappointing others, but rather I am entitled to stand up for what and who I believe in based on my research, critical thinking and understanding. I am not here to manage other people’s expectations of me - only my own.
Fill up my cup: Dance around my room to shake out the reserved stress, tense up my body for 30 seconds and release, water my plants, nap outside in the sun, chat with people who love and DO know me, write out my affirmations, etc.
The next time someone shouts an insult at you, I encourage you to come back to this post and visit the questions and walk yourself through this thought process and I promise you it will a) help you overcome the belief that your body is why people are attacking you and b)help you manage your mindset a bit more.
