I Cried on a Facebook Live Today

I was watching a video by Sue Bryce and she asked the question “Am I the Best Version of Myself?” After listening to her passionate speech about being the best version of self, I had the self awareness to hear myself say “No, I’m not.”
I don’t know if you have ever personally confronted this for yourself, but for me it’s stems from something I’ve been constantly running from:

LACK OF SELF VALUE & SELF WORTH

If you’ve read any of the past blogs you maybe could see the writing on the wall, so to speak. I have been struggling with facing this really hard truth forever, but really purposefully within the last 2 months. Instead of removing the triggering posts, the articles that cause bile to rise up in my chest, and avoiding the people who make me grit my teeth in frustration, I’ve decided to face them head on. However, since I’ve never really dealt with the real issue for the past 36 years, blaming my feelings of lack of worth or value on my body and my business - I never realized how deeply entrenched these feelings were and therefore, I never knew how painful excavating them would be.

I needed to face them.

So, I cried on a Facebook Live today.

I went on the live in the everyBODIES education group in an effort to be vulnerable (for me) and help showcase the reality of self growth (for them) and before I knew it, I choked up and began to cry(talk about vulnerable!). In addition to running from the feelings, I also have learned to run from emotions - particularly, when I am around other people. Very few people have seen me truly cry so to do it on a FB live in a group of 6000 people was….very awkward, but also, oddly therapeutic.

I needed to cry.

I am used to being the one with the answers.

The one knowing what to say.
How to help.
How to move through feelings, emotions, and situations.
But right now, I don’t have answers, I only have more questions:

“Where does my lack of self worth stem from?”
”How is my lack of value infiltrating my relationships, my business, my treatment of myself?”
”What would someone who has strong self value and strong self worth behave, feel, act?”
”Are these thoughts helping you be the best version of yourself?”
”What thoughts would help you be the best version of yourself?”

and right now, that’s good enough to begin the work of
Undoing.
Unlearning.
Reteaching.
Living.