You Are Not Your Experience

I wrote about this a little bit on instagram, but I think it warrants a bit more expansive writing here.

As we go through life we experience a wild array of emotions and despite the fact that most of us can only name 3 (happy, sad, mad) we nonethless experience life like an ocean - ups and downs and side to sides. Some emotions pulling us further down than others. But what happens is, we attribute those feelings to US. We say things like “I AM SAD” or “I AM MAD” or “I AM HAPPY”. We inherit the person of sad, mad, or happy which eventually can find us becoming in a state of perpetual sad, mad or happy (or any other emotion) and then the question becomes “Who am I if I am NOT sad, mad or happy?” to which your identity will freak tf out.

But here’s the thing we AREN’T our emotions.
We are EXPERIENCING our emotions.
Emotions are our bodies’ way of helping us THROUGH things and so, when we attribute those emotions to our being, we are assuming they are in a perpetual state - causing us to feel even more hopeless.

But if you can remind yourself that you might be experiencing anger, frustration, happiness, joy, sadness, grief, envy, jealousy, etc. you will be less likely to judge it as a flaw in your character and more as something that happens TO you, not because of you.

And I know you might be thinking “But TEEEEERI, I want to BE joy! I want to BE happy!”

Well, listen - you can’t want what you want, but it is what it is. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment and shame when you expect yourself to be happy and joyful all the time. Instead, what would it look like if you chose to EXPERIENCE happiness and joy? Would that be more in your control do you think? (the answer is yes).

So, the next time someone pisses you off or you find yourself feeling an emotion you were told is inconvenient, I want you to embrace it and understand that like a wave crashing down on you, it might pull you under for a wee bit, but eventually you will come up for air.