Influence Vs. Define

When I took these photos, I was influenced by images of the past. I made sure not to hold myself too tightly to defining what the end result would be, but let myself be influenced by images that came before. Had I held tightly to letting the past define whether my work now is good or bad would have set me up for disappointment because I cannot exactly recreate the images below - I am not the artist that did them the first time AND I don’t have the equipment/experiences that they did. I think that’s one of the main differences between allowing yourself to be influenced or to be defined: Being influenced opens you up to possibility where as being defined stops you from growth.

By letting myself be influenced I am still opening myself up to possibility. I am saying, we can take aspects of this thing, fuse it with what we know now and create something else and I think that is one of the most beautiful things humans have the capability of doing. That being said, many of us tend to fall into letting other things define our life experience, instead of influence it. I think about photographers who see the work of others and try their hardest to make their work look exactly the same, only to feel their imposter syndrome rise up - this is what it means to hold oneself to being defined. If those photographers chose to be influenced by the work they are seeing, they would look closer at the craftsmanship and fuse it with many other things that they like + their own magic to create their own style and vision - it is then that people can feel satisfied with their work.

However, when social media enters the picture it can skew us from being influenced to desiring definition. When I share my original work, things that I created and feel like ME in that moment there is a mix of “Shit! Should I have edited it differently? Should I have made it look more like so and sos? Will people just think I’m the WISH version of this person’s work?” but also “I love the way these images feel. This represents what I was feeling in the moment. This is a good representation of what I want to talk about” etc.

The desire to fit in and be accepted and go viral and be known threatens our ability to be influenced and instead can force us into a defined role. This is where being a “personal brand” is hard. I want my past to influence my future, but I don’t want to be defined by it - but I know that people follow me because I represent a fat bodied creative living the dream. I am defined by my body and by my profession. But bodies and professions change - constantly. This is why, I am afraid if my body should lose weight and I was afraid that if I stopped taking clients, would I lose followers? If am no longer letting MYSELF be defined by these things that I used to be and instead let myself be influenced by the person I was to create something new - will people leave?

And that last question is the silent question that hangs in the balance anytime we do something in alignment with our most authentic selves. If I change - will people leave?

And so we stay stuck.

But I look at the transition I am going through right now, despite that fear. I am letting myself be influenced by the past version of myself. The version of me that took a chance on becoming a boudoir photographer. I am not letting myself be defined any longer as a boudoir photographer because that doesn’t fit the version of me that I want to exist in the world. I stayed there for 2 years longer than I probably should have and I paid the price for letting myself be defined: I burnt out. I lost the passion. I over stayed my welcome.

So, to me - it feels like letting ourselves be influenced by the past will help us move forward by taking the lessons we learned, the experiences we had, the people we met, the trials and tribulations we experienced and allow them to alchemize into our future - whereas being defined by our past keeps us stuck, still, stagnant, and uncomfortable.

So, my question to you is:
How can you let your past influence where you want to go?
And in what areas of your life are you letting yourself be defined?