Will I Ever Just Sit Still?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever sit still.
Will I find that one thing that keeps my feet planted?
That stops me from looking elsewhere?
That has me so enraptured I won’t even be looking into the future?

I mean anything could happen
but this hasn’t happened yet.
My relationship to my studio and my photography business has been my longest relationship yet
(aside from with my husband, but they are neck and neck!)
So I struggle with letting go
And hold onto this person
But my feet have been itchy for sometime
My eyes have been wandering for the last few years
(not from my husband - he’s still constant)
Photography allows me the opportunity to create the change that I desperately desire
And I know I can create it anywhere
It doesn’t have to be in this same space
But starting new sounds like a pain in the ass
if I’m being honest.

Signing new leases
Getting new insurance
Saving up new damage deposits
Moving the furniture out,
Only to move it in somewhere else,
Renting a U-haul
Cleaning up the evidence that I existed in this space at all.

But I’ve proven to myself over the last 2 years that if I had to,
I could do it
I could make what I want to make
to live the life that I want to do
and I could do it without a fancy studio
or fancy wardrobe
or fancy things at all.

But again, in trying to hold onto what was
I convince myself
that maybe
I’m just not trying hard enough,
that maybe
I’m just running away again,
that maybe,
Teri Two Years, now turned Teri 7 Years, is bored
but maybe,
It’s that what’s next is scary
and that’s why I’m trying to convince myself to stay.