She Felt Euphoric
2 years ago a hundred or so boudoir photographers came together at a summer camp in the middle of Ontario to learn, to let go, to explore, and to connect. It was during this time that I was able to have some really close conversations with Ms. T and get to know her a little bit. I introduced her to Clifton Strengths (which I am obsessed with btw) to help her understand that what she perceived to be her shortcomings were actually her super powers. I remember sitting on the dock together and she opened up about her life a little bit and her role as the perpetual caretaker. There were some tears shed, but in that a connection was forged. Later I asked if she would want to be photographed while at camp and she hesitatingly said yes. Her husband convinced her to take advantage of the time, space, and opportunity and so - she jumped! I decided to photograph her in the lounge cabin - a space that was full of so much texture, color and moody light. It felt comfortable. We didn’t shoot long, but what we did shoot were some of the most beautiful images I have ever captured. Miss T let herself be my muse as I tried new things, shot in a way that was inspired by what I had learned from various friends (Boon Ong & Joao Guedes): slow down, look at the light, breathe, encourage intentional movement, slow down some more.
I was given the advice to have a boudoir shoot of my own: I was a boudoir photographer who had not experienced my own yet! I considered it for a long time, not ready to commit due to reservations about photographers or personal reservations around the “perfect time”. I admired and stalked Teri and her message before I found myself face to face with her. Then I had the opportunity to have a shoot with her!
Instead of concern about looking a certain way, I was more overwhelmed. I had a choice to make but not the time to descend into analysis paralysis: I chose to embrace the experience and let go.
It was a dance: taking cues, adding my own flourishes, collaborating. I was at home in my body, unconcerned with covering up or with the angle of my face. The experience consumed me. I was offended I had to put on clothes and pretend nudity was taboo: it was the most natural, wholesome,comfortable state, something that qualifies me as an exhibitionist!
The experience left me euphoric, so much I was ambivalent whether or not I got the images back. They did come. And I was overcome. They are so beautiful and reflect the sense of confidence and nonchalance I felt in the moments with Teri. With myself. They are my favorite pictures I have of myself because they were just for me. I am so grateful.
I took a leap. I made a choice. And I am in Teri’s debt.
