Self Esteem in 5 Acts

In journaling this morning, I wrote that body image will never move forward as long as we keep focusing on the body - instead, we need to focus on the root cause of body image, which is lowered self esteem in other areas of our lives. Body image is the result of a years and years of patriarchal beliefs about how our bodies create our success or lack thereof and the reality is, if we were confident in who we are as people, if we had strong convictions in our self esteem, we would understand that our bodies are just biological organisms that shift and change and are based on science. So, how do we improve our self esteem to move beyond hating our bodies? Today I am going to share 5 daily acts that you can do to help you shift your mindset to improve that self esteem of yours.

1. Be around people who love and accept you as you are

Trusting people can be really hard, especially if you are someone who has had the experience of trauma in your past - however, increased self esteem has been shown to be prevalent in people who have a strong support system. Whether it is your sibling, your family, your friends from school or new friends from adulthood - having folks to help you through this life and encourage a feeling of “belonging” allows your self esteem and confidence to flourish. Haven’t you noticed how it’s easier to do things that scare you if you do it with someone who has your best interest at heart? I know I probably would still have a fear of scooters if I hadn’t rented one with my friend Jen and now my whole life is changed for the better! Having friendships that support you and appreciate your eccentricities can take the stress off of having to perform and you no longer have to apologize for who you are at your core. For the longest time, I put my friendships on the backburner because it is something I have to be intentional about and since my burnout, I make sure to prioritize relationships now and I do this by dropping into group chats with my family, initiating get togethers with my friends and family, and saving up to travel to see my long distance friends - at first it was difficult, but my life is 10000X more beautiful because of the people in it and because I am able to see their magic, I am able to see my own.

2. Look at yourself in the mirror

Now, I know I talk about looking at yourself in the mirror to move through body image, but I want to encourage you to make EYE CONTACT with yourself in the mirror. Every morning and every night, I encourage you to look in the mirror and say “Good morning, [insert your name!]” and “Good night, [insert your name]!” and feel free to add “I love you” or “You are so loved”, “I accept you.” etc. Have you ever done soul gazing with another person? I want you to do this with yourself at least once a week. Studies show that we tend to fall more in love with folks with their pupils are big - therefore, use lowlight to soul gaze with yourself in the mirror and chances are good you are going to fall in love with yourself! It’s easy to go through our lives without acknowledging ourselves - but it’s this dissociation that causes us to have a lowered self esteem. The more we can acknowledge that we do in fact exist, the more we are able to improve our self esteem and confidence.

3. Say hydrated, satiated, and rested

Easier said than done in this capitalistic society, but hear me out. Keep our bodies in a de-stressed state in ways that we can control can help us mitigate the possibility of negative thoughts and beliefs rising up. When we are hungry, thirsty, or tired our amygdala is firing on all cylinders, looking for all possible threats and when we’ve been taught that WE and our BODIES are a threat, we have less defenses against the thoughts. If we can rectify our hunger, thirst, and fatigue by checking in with ourselves daily, we are going to be able to keep our defense mechanisms up against the negative self talk. In addition to that, IF we notice we are being hard on ourselves, we can ask the question: AM I HUNGRY? AM I TIRED? AM I THIRSTY? and this allows us calm the thoughts before we spiral too far. Having this self awareness allows us to feel more emotionally stable, confident, and resilient.

4. Create more than you consume

When I was going through my transition from photographer to creative, my self esteem was at an all time low. I found myself spending waaaaay too much time watching my photography peers and my educator peers creating amazing things and feeling….like shit. I realized it was hard for me to move forward towards the life I wanted because I was keeping myself stuck in what I was and comparing myself to everyone around me. This comparison caused me immense self doubt and frustration and as such, I noticed my body image was tanking. My scarcity issues transferred to not enoughness in my body - which wasn’t fair to her. So, I realized something had to change and that something was me. I told myself, if I caught myself scrolling mindlessly I had to stop and create a piece of content. If I had time to consume, I had time to create the life I wanted. Over time, my creating not only gave me self esteem because I was taking action and not feeling stuck, I was also creating content, imagery, and connection with myself and my audience that helped me move into the role of teacher that I had been aspiring to. I want you to recognize how you feel when you spend time perusing the content of others vs. how it feels when you are creating content for yourself. Which one feels more fulfilling? Which one makes you feel less than? Come up with ways to shift from consumption to creation!

5. Inner Child Healing

If every day you can find a way to honour a younger version of yourself, the more improved your self esteem will become. You see, the parts of us that are insecure isn’t usually us in the present, but rather the younger version of us that is stuck in a memory of humiliation, pain, betrayal, or not enoughness We are adults now and its time for us to reparent our younger selves. This can be hard if you never had someone parent you in the way that you needed, but you can learn what that looks like by asking “What did I need but didn’t get when I was younger?” That’s how you start reparenting yourself. When you feel your body constrict and fold in, this is some younger part of you that is scared and feeling unsafe - how can you expand? How can you empower that younger self? Start paying attention to the situations, environments, and people that make you feel small and constricted and ask yourself, “When have I felt this way before?” and set out to give some love to younger you.

Improving self esteem takes time - like growing a garden, but the good news is, every day we get the opportunity to nourish the soil which grows our confidence. Every decision, opportunity, experience, and even irritation gives you clues and insight about why your self esteem is the way that it is - and to know we have the power to grow a glorious garden of confidence, is self esteem building in itself. Start slow, start fast - it doesn’t matter - as long as you start. The sooner we grow your self esteem, the sooner we destroy the weeds that seek to tear apart our body image.