Peace, Joy & Body Acceptance: Season’s Eatings
If there’s one thing we’ve come to expect during the holidays - it is that there will be food at every event and with that comes the inevitable conversations of how “bad” people are for eating the sugar cookie and the anxiety that comes up around going back for another helping of Aunt Martha’s famous sweet potatoes. In today’s blog post, I’d like to tackle some of the common worries people get around food and the holidays and provide a few tips on how I make it through unscathed!
The Fear of The Awkward Food Conversations
Alright, so the awkward conversations that I am referring to here are the ones that arise when people say things like “Oh! These cookies are going to make me fat!” or the “I feel so fat” after someone’s flopsed on the couch after eating turkey. How do we make it through when people are making fatphobic comments in jest? My favorite approach is to say “There’s nothing wrong with being fat” and “Fat isn’t a feeling” to the aforementioned comments. I just simply point out the truth. You may also have people in your life commenting on the foods that you fill your plate with or the amount of food that you fill your plate with and this can be really uncomfortable, but what you eat is nobody’s business and you can say as such. For example if someone says “Oooh, that’s a lot of potatoes on your plate”, say something like “If you don’t want to take this much, you don’t have to! The cool thing about food is that we all get to decide what we want to eat or not eat!” As mentioned in the previous blog post about awkward commentators at the holidays - set your boundaries ahead of time about you will and will not tolerate and include discussions around food into that! My other approach to other people’s comments about their food intake, is to just get curious with them. “I’ll be so bad if I eat one more of these…” -> “What about eating one more of those makes you think you’ll be bad?” “I can’t have that because I’m on a new diet” -> “What benefits are you seeing with this new way of eating that goes beyond just losing weight?” etc.
The Fear of Being Seen as a Glutton
I vividly remember being at summer camp at the age of 9 and being very aware of what people might think if I went back for seconds at the buffet, even though I had only taken 1 piece of toast with some jam (no butter, of course). My stomach was rumbling half an hour later and I wished I had gone back for those seconds because by the time lunchtime rolled around, I was hangry. Now, I’d like to say that I grew out of that and learned to eat what I wanted when I wanted, but that experience plus the types of comments mentioned above make me very cautious about eating in public and around other people. My brain becomes embroiled in thoughts of: “They are all looking at me”, “They are going to make a comment”, “What will they think…” and once again, I feel like that 9 year old girl. However, what I’ve started to do is imagining my 9 year old self is there in that room with me as we look at the delicious smorgasbords that people display at the holidays. I think about what she needed to hear back then and I say it to myself: “If you are hungry, go for it!” and then when the fear pops up about others I remind little me to “Let them…” Let them think or say or do whatever they want to. If that’s what they need to do or say to feel better about themselves so be it, but I am not going to deny myself the pleasure of holiday foods.
The Fear of Eating Your Feelings
In contrast to not eating enough, you may find yourself overeating - at least I always do. Since the pandemic, I have come to realize that I am more sensitive than I thought - always feeding off other people’s energy, tolerating certain comments or behaviors in an effort to preserve my “good girl” status, and getting overwhelmed with all my senses due to sights, sounds & smells. I learned early on how to dampen my sensitivity by…you guessed it - overeating. It’s hard to yell or cry when you have bread in your mouth. I notice that when I am in uncomfortable situations, like sitting around as family members get into heated arguments or being around people as they are drinking, I will eat to avoid saying what I really want to say or doing what I really want to do (leave). I also find when I get completely overstimulated it feels like my feelings are “too big” and like I’m out of my body, so I will overeat in an effort to be reminded of my physical body (which shows up as pain). Knowing my “system” ahead of time allows me to prepare to witness in the event that it happens - if I can witness it, while it’s happening then I am less likely to feel shame after the fact. Instead, I will look at the context surrounding it, breaking down the feelings and thoughts I was having right before I crossed the line from joyful eating into emotional eating, and create a new “system” for me to follow at the next event. I should also add that I usually will wear clothes that allow my body to expand naturally throughout the evening, whether from food, drink, or just general humanning - I never realized before how much my clothes were contributing to me overstimulation and if I can wear something that makes me feel comfy, cozy, and less aware of the confines of my body the better it is for ensuring I stay present.
