How Do We Write A Script When All We Were Taught Was To Follow One?
When I got to the end of my photography career in the traditional way that I was running it, I didn’t know what I wanted, I just knew it wasn’t that (see previous post) and to be honest, I was a little naive in the process of transitioning out of that career into a new identity as educator, speaker, author, creative, and coach. After I went through the initial grieving process in the first year of being away from a career that fully sustained me financially, emotionally, creatively and dare I say, spiritually, I thought I’d have my shit figured out by then, but it turns out…that’s not the lesson I was to learn. Instead, I feel that for most people the lesson we learn in our later years is that BUILDING something takes longer than FOLLOWING something. When I drive through the mountains, I just imagine the first people who came and carved “roads” to travel on and how difficult and hard it must have been, and now road construction takes a season and we move on with our lives. Writing our life script is going to take longer than following someone else’s, but if we use the ACE Method it will give us the framework to start the process.
Step 1: Awareness: Begin where you are.
So, where do we begin? Well, we have to begin where you are. I remember right before I truly made the decision to change my life completely and rewrite the script I had been handed, I would be in rooms with people I used to have so much in common with or I’d be at conferences listening to people speak about things I believed fully in and in both situations I suddenly felt like I was…kind of on the outside. I’m reminded of the emo vibes of “feeling alone in a crowded room” and while I joke about that, that has always been my sign that it’s time to switch “rooms”. When boyfriends turned to roommates, when professions turned to the daily grind, or when hobbies turned into careers - I would always stop at some point and ask myself “Can I imagine doing this for another 3 years?” (At the beginning, I would say forever, but that’s because I was under the false impression that the “right” thing to do was to get ONE job, ONE person, and ONE identity to serve you for your whole life.)
So, my first question to you will be: Are you still in the room, just noticing a little difference in how you respond to the people you are in the room with? OR Have you switched rooms, but maybe your nervous system hasn’t caught up with you yet? Knowing where you are starting from will give you an idea of how to proceed to the next step! If it feels squidgy to acknowledge - that’s okay! We aren’t changing anything right now…just taking notice.
Step 2: Get Curious
Whether you are still trying to perform the old script and noticing the discomfort or you’re staring at a blank page, ready but unsure how to write the new script, curiosity is going to be your friend. We need to gather data about what’s not working.
Here are a few questions to get you going:
What role did I learn to play in order to be safe, successful, or accepted?
What part of my identity feels like it’s collapsing… and what relief is hiding underneath that grief?
What expectations am I still performing even though they exhaust me?
When we experience a change in our identity it can trigger the threat responses in our nervous systems and one way to to help with that is to name the role that’s dissolving. By writing out or speaking the parts of the identity that no longer serve us, we are essentially coaxing our nervous system along and helping it see that staying is certainly not the answer.
Now, at this point, people feel a little bit out of their realm. I tend to imagine it’s not dissimilar to crossing a fast moving river on foot, only to find yourself in the middle between shorelines, struggling to keep your footing as you wade forward towards your future. We have to commit or retreat back to the familiar but uncomfortable, so asking these questions will help our brains & nervous systems understand why we are leaving in the first place. By acknowledging reality of what was and rooting ourselves in our conviction to move forward, we can keep our eyes on the shoreline in front of us instead of continually look over our shoulder.
Once we’ve gotten curious about what we are leaving, we need to get curious about what we want to create for our first draft of a script. And the reason I say the first draft is because once we take action on those things we may have some come to jesus reckonings about them and find out they weren’t for us after all! But we have to start somewhere first and that is the point of this exercise AND this post.
So, to move forward, we are going to look at gaining a bit of steadiness, because when we can’t get our footing underneath ourselves we need to stabilize to start making momentum. Close your eyes and put a hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Slowly inhale and exhale 3 times and after the third time ask yourself: “Body, what do you need to tell me?” Pay attention to any tension, any tightness, and any pain. As you listen to your body, loosen up the parts that are tight and imagine a warmth tending to the painful areas. Feel free to assign colors, noticing where your body “lights up”. Next, ask yourself “What do I need right now?” And do not judge the first thing that comes up for you. In my experience, people hear: “I just want to be held.”, “to cry”, “a back rub”, “to scream”, “to run”, “to create”, etc. It can literally be anything, but the most important step is next: FOLLOW THROUGH. Ask for someone to hold you, put on some animal rescue videos to start the cry, book a massage for a back rub, scream into a pillow, stomp your feet or run around your house, grab your creation tools and make messy art, don’t overthink JUST DO.
For me, the past 4 months my body and soul have been asking me to get a piano. The voice inside became so loud that I could no longer ignore it and finally, I hopped on FB marketplace, found the most gorgeous piano, paid for it to be delivered and despite it being out of tune (I’m getting that fixed next week), as soon as I sat down to play tears streamed down my cheeks and the gratitude poured out of me. It was like I finally reunited with a part of myself that had been hidden away for too long.
What that experience taught me was a few things: 1)I am very aware now of where in my body I experience a FULL BODY YES to things…whenever I would get the “nudge” it was like my whole torso was filled with warmth and light - I will look to experience this in everything I do moving forward. If there isn’t even an inkling of that feeling, I’m probably saying yes to it because of ego (rooted in either survival, status, or success) instead of alignment. 2)There are parts of myself that haven’t been nurtured in a long time, I need to make sure I am carving out time for them too. 3) I remembered what it felt like to set a goal and anticipate it instead of getting it “just because”.
The more we can start to connect to our bodies & souls, the sooner we can communicate with them, trusting that - as I usually say - they know how to be human more than my over thinking brain does.
Once you’ve gotten a bit of stability in where you ARE, it’s time to get curious again and look at all the things that have been lighting you up. Here are some questions to get you started:
What am I naturally paying attention to lately, even when I’m tired?
What conversations, ideas, or work give me a sense of “this matters,” even if I don’t know why yet?
If I stopped asking “Is this practical?” and asked “Does this light me up?” what changes?
I remember Jenna Kutcher talking about a 30 day challenge she did for herself that she learned from her mentor and that was to take a journal and every day jot down 3 things that she was thankful/grateful/excited about. After the 30 days, she began to notice the same things kept showing up and that showed her, despite all the other cool shit happening, THOSE were the things that truly captured her heart. And as someone who has followed her for a long time, I saw her shift her life to move in the direction of those things - VERY inspiring!
My version of this was to start my WEEKLY GLIMMERS to see what visually caught my attention (I am a Libra, after all!). Similarly, I noticed the same things showed up time and time again: beautiful light, nature, Kitten, family, fashion, creativity, unexpected beauty.
By now, we have an idea of what we don’t want AND what we seem to be enjoying, the key to writing your script is to fade away the stuff that depletes you and replace it with the stuff that brings your soul alive.
Step 3: The Hard Part - Empowered & Embodied Action
Yup, the time has come. Time to take action and if you haven’t taken action on the previous 2 steps, then stop here and go back and complete those. This next bit will be too difficult and overwhelming otherwise. Start at the beginning and make your way through the previous Qs - that’s your first action item! If you did go ahead and do that, then it’s time for you to take a step in the direction of the things that light you up, the things that intrigue you, and the things that scare you a little bit. Sign up for the class, reach out to the mentor, take out a book about it from the library, get it off of FB Marketplace, etc. The process of becoming & writing your life script start with trusting that we know what’s best for us, but the only way we can trust ourselves is by taking action - not by thinking about it.
Ask yourself:
What would someone who trusts themselves a little more do this week?
And then…go do that.
