Jealousy Is A Bitch (Or Am I?)
I really, really dislike Jealousy because she tends to show up in my lowest moments. She’s there to remind me that not only are people doing the same thing as me, but according to societal standards they are GASP doing “better than me. She’s there when I am confused and tired, feeding me lies about scarcity and the idea that “there can only be ONE! MWAHAHA!” I’m pretty sure it was Jealousy that funded social media because she gets to ride that high first thing in the morning when cortisol is high and last thing at night, to give you anxiety-laced nightmares.
BUT.
I also know that Jealousy, like any villain we meet along the way, is there to teach me more about myself than anyone else. This morning I did my usual morning Instagram post and naturally that got me scrollin’, which got me hatin’. Thankfully, I’ve been doing all of this self work around Jealousy, but that doesn’t make the stomach acid that gurgles up taste any different. I decided to put my phone down and get into the shower and as the water poured down on me I got curious:
”What about this person is making you feel threatened?”
”They get all this attention for doing the same thing that I’ve been doing for the last 7 years! It was because of me and people like me that they are able to just show up and capitalize on the body image movement!”
”Wooooow. Okay. First of all, we need to nip that entitlement in the bud. You helped, of course, but it was a lot more than just you, my friend. Second of all, Is it possible that you did your job so they can do their job?”
”Well, yes, I guess that’s possible.”
”Then why are you still squidgy about this?”
”Because I want…”
”You want - what?”
”The compliments. The comments. The likes. The recognition. Aaaaaah - fuck.”
”Let’s look at it this way: In 80 years from now, people probably won’t remember your impact that helped moved the world forward a wee bit, right? They will just be living in the world with a bit more freedom and body liberation. Do you know the names of ALL the individuals who helped give you the right to vote? No. All you know is that you can - but every single person that contributed made that a possibility. Whether or not your name is attached to something doesn’t make the impact any less, right?”
”Well, that’s harsh - but yes, you are probably right.”
”And isn’t it fair to say that A)you can’t do this alone and B)the way that they are doing it is not at all what you would actually be wanting to do anyway?”
”True, true. This is why I educate - so why do I still think there is only room for one?”
”Because scarcity mindset thrives on it - this is Past You. And it’s possible, that because you are going through a lot of transition right now and unknowns that Past You is feeling very scared - instead of seeing the possibility that is ahead, she is seeing the risks. Instead of seeing what could be, she’s focusing on what isn’t - because it’s easier to be there. What is something you could say to Past You to help her feel better about this moment?”
”Great question. I would say: It’s okay that you are feeling scared and a bit anxious right now. When you see these people having amazing success it’s actually a sign from the Universe letting you know that that success is possible for you, too! You are safe right now. You are supported right now. You are following your intuition which is phenomenal - that’s hard to do in a world of consistency and sameness. You should be proud of yourself. Change brings opportunity and possibility - I love you and you are doing great.”
”Fantastic. Now, go share that person’s content and hype them up.”
