I Made The Mistake of Going on Facebook
Obviously, there are some things that I enjoy about social media but other things I do not - or maybe I don’t because they make me have to question myself or make me aware of my “triggers”. In either case, I ignored my decision to go for a walk and sat down at my computer to “just check on something” and it spiralled my morning. I saw a comment someone had made and immediately I could feel it:
My face got hot
The blood rushed into my ears
My fingers took to the keyboard ready to set the record straight
My tunnel vision narrowed and I got angry at my husband asking if I wanted toast
Someone had called my character into question.
(or rather - that’s what I interpreted it as)
My usual pattern is to prove to everyone how good of a person I am. How good I am as an ally. How good I am as a moral person. How much I am doing the right things. etc. In fact, I wrote out a response to the comment but then…I hear a voice say “Is it true? Is it 100% true that this person called your character into question? Or is it possible you are reading into that and your defensiveness is about YOU - not them?”
As soon as I heard it, I erased what I had been writing in the response and instead took to my journal and processed what I was feeling, why I was feeling it, what did it mean, etc. I don’t owe people an explanation, an answer, or to proof my “goodness”. I definitely do not have to get defensive about it - it’s a waste of energy in this current landscape. We have very little to hang onto to begin with.
So, if I was to backtrack and take an honest look at the scenario, the biggest mistake I made was going on Facebook. It’s first thing in the morning and cortisol is the highest (stress hormone) so my brain is looking for risk and negativity (this brings all the negative thoughts to the yard), therefore, it will interpret a very neutral thing as being negative - when in fact it is not. Not to mention: I did NOT go for my walk, I did NOT eat breakfast, I did NOT have any water or coffee - my body was READY to attack anything. When I feel those above symptoms, that’s when I should remove myself from the situation and do all of the above FIRST before even touching a keyboard.
But, hey, it takes a few times before it really locks in, ya know?
