Until

My body was magic & movement & sparkle & dreams

UNTIL

my aunt told me I was “too fat” to be a ballerina

My body was innocent & growing & changing & new

UNTIL

My friend’s “uncle” decided he should have some of it

My body was perfectly fine & lovely & capable & confident

UNTIL

I was the biggest one in the room

[isn’t it interesting how being the biggest one in the room can make you feel so small?]

My body was powerful & strong & muscular & fast

UNTIL

I decided that wasn’t enough and I took it too far

My body was beauty & grace & passionate & helpful

UNTIL

Someone called me chaos, clutzy, and a mess

My body was a vessel

UNTIL

I was taught that it was an ornament

My hopes & dreams & desires & achievements were exciting

UNTIL

I decided that because of my body I wasn’t capable or deserving of them

[which wasn’t true]

I believed that there was such a thing as “before” and “after” bodies

UNTIL

I realized that I am only given ONE body and it just continuously changes

I tell myself I can’t go swimming, can’t date, can’t ask for pleasure, can’t live

UNTIL

I make this body smaller. Take up less space. Diet my way to deserving.

My body will never be what I desire it to be

UNTIL

I understand that my body is:

my first and only home.

[And home is what I desire.]