The Guilt of Fun & Ease

Growing up on a farm, I had one thing instilled in me: HARD WORK IS NOBLE WORK and while I am no stranger to putting in the effort, somewhere along the way I think I confused HARD with WORK I DON’T LIKE. I’ve noticed that when I first started this year I jumped head first into learning everything I could about video production for youtube, maximizing my podcast, reading about different subjects that fascinate me, etc. and all of it was…fun. So, for 3 weeks I blissfully created content, filmed myself, created enjoyable projects (even got a grant for one of them!!), and then - I started to get down on myself and in journaling I realized….I felt guilty that my work was “easy” and “fun”.

I grew up believing that the only work that was valid was work that you suffered for. Back breaking labour in the hot sun, picking weeds, painting precariously, doing tasks and jobs you despise and while yes, there are always elements to a career that you have to do that you don’t like - I am learning that the career itself, the job, can be easy. Can be fun. Because while picking weeds in a field is not my idea of a good time - I know someone who loves consistency and alone time might appreciate the opportunity to spend time with their thoughts in nature. However, just like with anything else, government opinions and choices also seem to let us know what jobs are “real jobs” vs. those that aren’t. When they make budget cuts to the schools, removing theatre, art, music, and other seemingly “easy” and “fun” classes (you try playing a wind instrument!) they are letting us know where we SHOULD be spending our time and then we are given bigger awards and validation when we persevere through classes that aren’t in alignment with who we are.

So, when we grow up and actually create our dream careers it’s possible it can come with a side of guilt. Especially if your parents had to work jobs they didn’t like in order for you to have this opportunity and that guilt will turn into things like Imposter Syndrome, sabotaging your career, and in my case, having a hard time believing that I can enjoy my work AND get compensated for it.

Last month, I noticed that I personally didn’t think what I wanted to do as a career was a possibility. My thoughts ranged from “Why am I wasting time learning XYZ skill?” to “How do I think I’m ever going to get financial compensation for this?” and I realized that SCARCITY was once again driving the bus, but GUILT was riding in the passenger seat giving unhelpful commentary about the work and time I was spending. The story that I wouldn’t be financially supported on this next venture of mine triggered the scarcity feeling and then guilt hopped in, saying I should be happy that I have been able to do what I’ve done so far - why ask for more? Can’t you just be happy that you get to take photos for a living and make money doing that? Can’t you just stay doing the same thing the same way forever and be grateful for it?

These thoughts are not my thoughts.
These questions are not my questions.
These truths are not my truths.

So, I had to take a step back. I had to look at the TRUTH of the situation:

-I am moving into a different way of doing things and therefore, I need to learn new skills to become proficient in that arena. Just because I like the learning process doesn’t make it easy.

-My human design and strengths all lead to me needing space and time to read, process, and connect the dots (not everyone enjoys this process)

-While making videos, self portraits, writing content, creating curriculums is fun for me it is all valuable in that they are making a difference for the folks that will engage with them

-As a manifesting generator (human design), I am encouraged to follow what lights me up and is…well, fun and easy because that’s what gives me motivation and energy to follow through and help others. If I deny myself that by feeling guilty, I am deny my SELF.

-Work can be easy and I can get paid for it. Work can be fun and I can get paid for it.

Isn’t that what we should all be striving for?
And if not, what nobility comes from suffering?

Once I confronted myself with the FACTS, it was then time to confront the beliefs I was having, shifting from guilt to gratitude. I looked at my Authentic Code (this comes from the work at To Be Magnetic) and what I desire the most in the world are:

Freedom, Creativity, Authenticity & Education

By looking at the things that are imperative to me, I now look at the career I’ve created for myself. I am working a job that allows me to be creative, that gives me the freedom to come and go as I please, that provides me space and time to be my truest self (and that is when my best work connects with others!), AND I get to learn and educate based on my findings. I literally am doing the thing that I desire the most - so why am I not happy? Because of my belief ABOUT it. The guilty belief left me feeling bad for HAVING creativity, freedom, authenticity, and education instead of difficulty, hardship, sweat, and tears - so I had to shift the way I thought about my circumstance and instead, wake up every day and say THANK YOU for putting myself in a position of being able to achieve and allow my authentic code to shine brightly - even if it looks different than someone else! I am starting to realize that the quest for purpose doesn’t have to be paved with burnt out bodies and even more tattered souls - instead it CAN and dare I say…SHOULD…be something that brings us fulfillment, joy, contentment, zest, and energy. It should be something that tires us out because we felt we did a good job and we served the world and we did our part to something bigger than ourselves, even if that is us just showing up as ourselves - because honestly, that is probably the hardest thing for a human to do.

And I get it, many folks feel like they have less choices and to some extent that may be true based on where you live, the governments around you, and the struggles you face - but LESS choices is not NO choices. Get clear on what you want at the end of the day and see if your current job allows for it - if not, set your sights on something different and create a plan! If your brain is like “That sounds great - but it’s just possible.” I hate to tell ya - THAT is a bold faced lie. Someone convinced you of that I am sorry that that happened. Someone convinced you that whatever you desire isn’t possible and maybe people “like you” don’t get whatever it is you want, but I can promise if you look hard enough you will find someone “like you” that has exactly what you want (in fact, the people you are the most jealous of or gossip about will probably reveal what you truly desire.) But just because you believe you aren’t worthy of something different doesn’t mean you AREN’T. Get to the root of why you think you aren’t deserving of a job or career that is fun, easy, or fulfilling. Look at the stories and narratives you’ve been told about people “like you” - which ones have you adopted as your truth?

The work I do is fun and it is enjoyable and it is creative and it is wonderful and to someone else it might be difficult, hard, or laborious. I mean not everyone finds it easy to write or take beautiful images or condense information easily or create courses or whatever, but for me, I love most of the aspects of my career. There is stress, of course, but that’s to be expected in any profession and if I am going to put up with stress, I might as well enjoy the other 95% of the time that makes it worth it. And for those that look at this kind of job and snub their nose at content creators or artists or those that forge their own path in unexpected ways, I have empathy and a little bit of sadness that they grew up believing that the only way a “good job” is good is if it comes at the expense of your life. Because it just isn’t true.

I deserve creativity.
I deserve freedom.
I deserve joy in the work that I do.
I deserve excitement in career I dive into.

And if I deserve fun & ease within my work - so do you.