Start Your Year With Purpose
With the revival of my podcast Tough Love Teri, I decided to focus on the theme of Purpose for the month of January. Every week I will be posting a blog post to supplement the podcast and our first topic within the theme of Purpose is: Passion.
Ever since we are little, we spend a lot of time figuring out what our passions are and it’s fun to think that we haven’t even discovered them all yet - but there comes a point where, if we receive too much pressure from external forces, we may become obsessively attached to our passions - this is what happened with me and photography. But let’s go back a bit first…
When you were good at something (sports, music, art, school, etc.) did your caretakers “encourage” you to pursue it? And if so, was there a point where you stuck with it longer than you actually wanted to simply because you didn’t want to disappoint the people around you? I remember when I played sports, even though I loved them, I also knew it was what gave me a connection with my Dad. When I played piano, it was my connection to my Mom and Grandma and would make them happy. They wouldn’t have pushed me to pursue them if I didn’t want to, but I interpreted these situations as: Achievement = Love. And this is what a harmonious passion can turn into - an obsession that is externally motivated by the desire to get love, praise and affection from others.
Just because you are good at something, doesn’t mean you need to pursue it as a business because business itself is a passion that needs to feel harmonious and NOT obsessive to provide you with fulfillment. I know so many people that turned their photography into a business because other people around them encouraged their talent (which is wonderful!) and told them they should charge money for it (less wonderful if the person in question was not interested in pursuing business as a passion) - BUT they think “They are right - I SHOULD pursue this as a job - who doesn’t want to do what they love AND get paid for it?”
And it’s great and fine for those that are passionate about their craft AND business - but many forget about that second piece and we find ourselves struggling, trying to come up for air - but now that we’ve pronounced to the world that we are branching out, saying “Nay!” to the tradition of working for someone else, and sometimes of rebelliousness against those that tell us “It will never work” we MUST stick to it. And for the first few years its fun and exciting - challenging, yet rewarding because the thrill of chasing your passion overrides the inconveniences of running a business - you know, like charging what you are worth and scheduling your time in a way that doesn’t take years off your life. This is a huge reason why most businesses fail in the first 5 years - you can’t sustain yourself on passion alone, unfortunately.
But in the meantime, while you are working away on taking your passion to new heights, you might find that your once harmonious passion now turns obsessive:
-You feel like you are nothing without it
-Your worth and value are degraded if you get criticism
-You are afraid of letting others down
-You think that if you just worked harder, you might be better than others
-You turn competitive and insecure
-You find yourself watching others in your industry and feel yourself comparing
-You think “If I just learn something else, if I just take another course, THEN I will be good enough.”
-Your identity is tied very closely to whatever title your passion provides you (in my case, PHOTOGRAPHER - it took me a whole year to remove Photography from Teri Hofford on my social media accounts because I didn’t know who I was outside of just that label.)
And suddenly, your passion (which was probably rooted in helping others, making others laugh, smile, etc, diversifying bodies, whatevs) becomes a DISTRACTION from your purpose - you are thinking too much about yourself and how it impacts YOU, that you have forgotten why you started in the first place. You can’t serve the world if you are focused on your ego.
So, what do we do about it?
Remember why you started in the first place and get VERY clear on WHY you are doing the work you are doing - ask yourself what steps can I take in my business and my life to get back to that eager beaver.
Do more than just work - pick up a hobby or two or three and make them just as much a priority in your life as work. And if you are the type of person that starts a new hobby ever 3 months, who cares? (I used to feel shame about my jumping from activity to activity - but I realized that because I did this in my hobby life, it made me capable of being more consistent in my work life.)
Remind yourself daily that YOU are NOT your economic worth - write it out multiple times, say it as you look in the mirror, and tell yourself you GET to do this fun stuff, but if it starts to degrade your mental health it isn’t worth it. When you inevitably get some criticism or negative feedback from a client, you will need to remember that it isn’t about your character as a human, but perhaps something that can be improved within your business - these are TWO different things.
Passions can help us find our Purpose by giving us a medium or outlet to contribute to our grand mission - but ask yourself “What would I do with my life if I couldn’t fulfill this specific passion?” and start brainstorming. This will help you get closer to realizing that What you do is different than Why you do it. Having a few ways to fulfill your Purpose will allow you to alternate the gas pedal and the brake to prevent you from burning out. Studies have shown that by shifting and participating in multiple passions, you will be able to create better connections, reveal more creativity, and rest the parts of your brain that tend to be “on” at the time of one passion.
So, how did this play out for me?
I used to pride myself on being a photographer - I am good at it, I pick up things quite easily and I saw how great of a medium it would provide me to help me fulfill my bigger Purpose. However, after 5 years of working 16-18 hour days as a Photographer, my body and brain began to shut down - my harmonious passion had now become an obsessive one and I couldn’t see a way out. So I kept working harder, saying yes more even though my brain and soul were crying out for more - I drowned it out with the sounds of my ego crying “BUT THIS IS HOW PEOPLE KNOW YOU” and “WHAT WILL YOUR FOLLOWERS THINK IF YOU AREN’T DOING PHOTOGRAPHY?” and I saw the effects of me ignoring myself - chronic stress which led to anxiety, panic attacks, intense insecurity and imposter syndrome coupled with comparison and competitiveness, a complete disregard for my clients and their well-being as I strived to be #1, etc. All in all, it wasn’t good - but I learned a lot.
Finally, on a teary phone call to my Mom I told her I wanted to go back to school - I wanted to learn something different, I wanted to be challenged in other ways but didn’t think I could and we found The Flourishing Academy where I threw myself into something non-photography related. This was the break from my overworked, intense, obsession that I needed - I needed to see once again that I could A)do something different even if was just for me B) be good at something other than just photography and C)connect with like minded humans around something more than F stops and shutter speeds (though don’t get me wrong, I still love these convos). From there, I reconnected with my love of writing as part of my final project which lead me to becoming a published author for the second time (check out The Geode Theory: Chipping Away at Body Image) - this made me realize I could achieve my Purpose through more mediums than just photography. From there I recognized that I DO throw myself obsessively into anything I do, but if I can make sure I am not doing that 24/7/365 then it will be okay.
I now structure my year by focusing on different Passions at a time: Photography is consistent throughout the year but on a more limited schedule (5 sessions/month instead of 15), I run my Empowerment for Everybody course 2 X a year with a break in between, I run my Writer’s workshop 3 X a year with breaks in between for the other courses, I run Body Image Bootcamp for a whole month and then I take off an entire month for play. In those months, I ensure I take off 3-5 days to completely take myself out of the world and into my own world where I can read non-stop, write non-stop and indulge in some cannabis chocolate. I realize that it is not sustainable FOR ME to try to pursue everything at the same time because that is when I ignore my body’s warning signs and my mind’s warning signs.
Your system might look different based on your needs, your family, and your desires - but it’s important that you find a system that works for you so you can shift from obsessive to harmonious passion once again - this will help you focus on your larger Purpose and ensure that you don’t burnout on the things that you love to do. We have been taught to capitalize on everything, but the reality is - you can keep somethings just for you.
You can do things you love, even if you are bad at them and most importantly, it is NOT a waste of time for you to pursue things you love for the joy of doing them.
