Peace, Joy & Body Acceptance: How to Handle Body Comments During the Holidays
Welcome to my 5 part Holiday series on handling body image concerns. From unwanted comments to showing up in photos, this series will equip you with the mindset tools necessary to make it through the holidays with confidence! Make sure to check back daily!
‘Tis the season for unwanted comments on bodies! It’s a special time of year where we get together with our friends and family, some of whom we haven’t seen in a long time and some that just don’t know how to keep their damn mouths shout - regardless of which version you will be entertaining this holiday, I want you to be extra prepared! Below are some of my favourite tips when it comes to engaging with body obsessed commentators.
SET BOUNDARIES AHEAD OF TIME:
Before gatherings, consider letting key family members know that body-related comments are off-limits. If you are able to have these conversations ahead of time, then it will make you less anxious and on guard when you arrive. In my experience, if we don’t have these conversations sooner than later, you will be hyperfixated on waiting for them to slip up and your brain will work to find “evidence” that they are commenting on your body, when they may not be. The bubbling up of tension is a sure fire way to have an uncomfortable time, so I encourage to have these conversations when you are still in a space to be more neutral. Here’s an example you can use: “I’m focusing on positive things this year, so I’d appreciate avoiding any comments about bodies, including mine."
2. REDIRECT THE CONVERSATION
Changing the subject when the subject arises is one of the easiest ways that I have found to navigate the inevitable body comments. Whether they are talking about your body or someone else’s body, switching to something else is easy to do regardless of your comfort level with confrontation. My favourite approach is shining the spotlight back on them (but not their body) and asking questions like: “Tell me one of your favourite experiences that you’ve had this year!” or “I’ve been meaning to ask you what is something fun that you are looking forward to in 2025?”
3. Use Humor to Diffuse Tension
Now, this approach will be dependent on your vibe. Personally, I like to use humour, though I will say sometimes it can come across as a little passive aggressive when done in the wrong tone. My response would be something like “Ope! Not taking body reviews today, thank you anyways!” and then excuse myself. I find humor to be a bit of a slippery slope, though, because I used to use humour as a means to deflect from my own discomfort with my body, so just make sure you not agreeing with the comments being made or joking about yourself in order to make it seem as though it feels less humiliating. If you are going to use humour, I recommend deflecting back to the comment maker: “Oh thank God! My body is changing - I thought I was stuck back in 1995 with your comment.”
4. Prepare Responses in Advance
This is one of my favourite ones because many times it is the fact that we feel caught off guard (though the same people make the same comments every year) and then we feel bad about what we didn’t say. I like to have things prepared before I head out to parties/events because it makes me feel more confident to stand up for myself. Now, the important thing here is to PRACTICE - meaning, say these things out loud. It’s easy to imagine what we would do in our minds, but when we get confronted and defensive it’s harder for us to speak our truth. Being prepared is your best course of action.
5. Protect Your Energy
There’s nothing wrong in stepping away to take a deep breath and collect yourself in an effort to stay emotionally regulated. Family, in particular, knows how to push our buttons and make us feel small, so if we can break the “system” of the family member that likes to engage in negative body conversations, then we will be more likely to mitigate those convos in the future. Not engaging with the person, stepping away or even avoiding that person is absolutely okay. This is why I will always take a book to functions - I can always escape into my literature in a quiet part of the house when it gets to be too much.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
Shift your focus to meaningful aspects of the holiday, like connecting with loved ones, enjoying your favorite traditions, or practicing gratitude. I like to remind myself why I am attending certain functions and if I can’t come up with a reason, I simply decline. I do not need to hang out with people who expect me to be a shell of myself when there are amazing humans who want to delight in my company regardless of what my body looks like. I would prefer to spend my time with them instead.
7. Build Your Inner Resilience
When people make casual remarks about bodies and their changes it can alert some younger version of us that is still unhealed. The more we can understand why we feel the way we do about certain words or behaviors towards certain bodies (and who we learned those from) the more capable we are of standing up for ourselves in public spaces. If you’ve been doing a lot of emotional and mental work on yourself around your body, think of these events as a practice ground for you to build your resilience in standing up for yourself. Look for opportunities to encourage the commentator to get curious about their own thoughts about bodies, saying things like “I’m curious where you learned to talk about bodies from? I’ve been doing some work and I noticed a lot of my behaviors and thoughts weren’t mind to begin with…where did yours start?” This is my favourite tip, simply because I love to help other folks get curious about their own beliefs & biases around bodies.
