It’s Been a Year
Since I left my studio and left behind the hustle culture corner I had backed myself into. It’s been a year without taking a paid client, without designing a gorgeous album, without a studio. And oh, what a year it has been. I have been afforded the amazing luxury and grace to get closer to finding myself and who I am and my purpose and passion in this world. I was supported immensely by my other forays and some incredible opportunities from the Universe and divine guidance. I was able to write, create, make videos, do self portraits, teach like nobody’s business, and restore myself. I was able to reconnect parts of myself I had been trying to run away from while also giving myself the time and distance needed to decide if photography was something I wanted to continue doing or if I wanted to keep doing it…just in a bit of a different way. And now we are here. A year later.
Recalibrated. Reconnected. and. Recommitted.
After so much time away, I realize I am not ready to fully hang up my camera just yet (my back still protests a bit) - instead I am intending to limit myself to 12 sessions a year, essentially 1 a month so that I can focus my attention on the clients that truly get why I do what I do and want the full essence of what I have to offer. These sessions will not be in the boudoir style, but rather the style you’ve seen from my projects the past year. More portrait and fine art nude focused with minimal styling, minimal editing, and minimal set design. While we will incorporate some props if they are important to the client, it is about the client first and foremost and how they experience themselves and their body.
I realize that one of my gifts IS photography and while I let hustle culture lead me astray and almost cause me to give up this gift, it is a gift I’ve loved since the time I was little, arranging kindergartners on the playground like I saw in the Sears catalogue and photographing with my Kodak point and shoot 35mm. I realize cutting myself off from one of the things I love more than anything in the world is not the answer I was seeking. Instead, with constant reflection through daily journaling, meditation, and finally working with an incredible coach (shout out to Camille at Abundance Unlimited) I found myself bringing awareness to why I overworked, accepted less value for my time and experience, and ultimately burnt out. I had to spend time away from everything that brought me validation, success, love and acceptance and I had to understand that as long as I was attached to those external outcomes I could never truly do the work I wanted to do….because I made it about me, not about them.
So, I’m allowing myself the flexibility and freedom to photograph 12 clients a year - to change 12 lives - and understand that while yes….I could do more, I don’t need to. When I think about the ways in which I want to continue to impact the world, I can see that photography is one of the elements that allows me to connect with people and help them see themselves and their bodies in new and fascinating ways, opening us up to conversations and curious questions that begin to unravel lies we’ve been told since birth. I just need to meld this approach with my own self care and self love - which means giving my all to fewer people so there is recuperation time built into my world so I can continue to do the things I love. I have come to realize that no employment should cause us to dislike the very thing that brings us joy, flow, and energy.
So, after a year of saying a hell of a lot of NO, here’s to the next year of saying YES.
[If you are interested in being one of the glorious humans who delves into this world of fine art and body story documentation at some point in the future, I recommend signing up for the wait list as I will be releasing my availability in 3 month increments starting in September and those on the wait list are the ones that will get first dibs on dates!]
