When Healing Your Inner Child…
I focus a lot on healing the inner child because the inner child is where the essence of our being lives. The parts of ourselves that I believe are pure magic, divine light, and here to do incredible work however those parts of us rarely get nurtured to the fullest extent simply because of the society we live in and how we as humans are constantly evolving (and quickly!). But in all the work to heal our YOUNGER selves, we tend to forget that our more recent younger selves also deserve the same love, attention, and compassion. So, in honor of the end of this year, I want to share a few ways that you can connect with a more recent, younger version of you so that you can move forward with knowledge, peace, and love in your heart for all the ways you show up. So, grab your journals and let’s get into it!
Acknowledge the hard decisions that you had to make
As someone who tends to move forward I rarely look back as I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, but as such I tend to forget what I’ve done to get me to where I am. When I think back just THREE years ago, I handed in my keys to release the studio that had housed my career, my triumphs, my hardships, and sooooo many beautiful stories, bodies, and expressions of humans. That decision was incredibly difficult to make because it was comfortably uncomfortable. The reality was I could see where I wanted to go, but wasn’t sure how to get there. I knew that at some point I would be moving and didn’t want to be locked into a 3 year lease with no way out. I still wanted to create - how could I do that without my dedicated, perfectly lit, beautiful space? I had more questions than answers, but I knew that I had to follow my intuition and after months of hemming and hawwing I finally made the difficult decision to let it go. This was the start of me severing my PHOTOGRAPHER identity (which was necessary). Looking back, I am so thankful that even though she had no idea what the fuck she was getting herself into, she knew that it was the thing she had to do to move forward. Since then, I’ve had to make other hard decisions: say no to lucrative jobs because they were no longer aligned, apply for (and get!) a part time job to ease my nervous system a bit, move to a new city away from my family, take a year off of BIBC to make sure it’s heading in the direction I want it to be, and most recently, deciding to archive my entire instagram account. These decisions rarely came easily and usually involved me saying it out loud, conferring with my peers only to go against their advice for safety and doing what I know is right in my gut.
JOURNAL PROMPT: In the last 3-5 years, what are some of the difficult decisions you had to make? What made them difficult and how did you persevere through? What did you learn from those experiences?
2. What experiences happened that you still have a hard time believing?
If you had told me at the beginning of 2020, that I would find myself teaching alongside my mentor Sue Bryce at a castle in the Dolomites of Italy, I would have asked you what the hell you were talking about. I still cannot believe that in the past 4 years I’ve had the privilege to speak at a castle THREE times and more importantly, introduce a whole new gaggle of global photographers to making their work more body inclusive. When I look back on my photos from those experiences they are so beautiful, full of community, joy, laughter, creativity, exploration, friendship, and pasta. Not only did I get to teach, but I also got to don some beautiful dresses and run through the meadow and smell the roses in the rose garden and organize the biggest semi-nude photoshoots of my life! The craziest part is that literally a few months before the first time we went to the castle, I was perusing Airbnb and put on my manifestation list that I wanted to stay in a castle and not a month later, Sue called me to see if I’d be interested. The Universe is magic! In addition to that experience, I also can’t believe I took my clothes off on stage and told my whole life story without a script at The Portrait Masters or traveled, not once, but TWICE, across the whole of Canada with my buddy Aroha to speak to folks about bodies, self acceptance, and self love in our Confidence Across Canada photography tour and my Homecoming book tour. While these are bigger experiences there are also smaller ones that past me is so proud of: walking almost daily since September 2020, meditating weekly, and actually going to my dentist appointments!
JOURNAL PROMPT: What are 3 experiences that have happened in the last 5 years that you cannot believe past you got to experience? What are you thankful to that version of yourself for doing in regards to those experiences? What did those experiences teach you?
3. What needs didn’t get met?
While it’s not fun nor overly beneficial to dwell on the hardships of our past, it is important for us to acknowledge what needs didn’t get met because they contribute to a long term pattern that can tend to keep us repeating behaviors that may no longer be aligned. When I think back to the past 3-5 years the needs that didn’t get met for me (by myself or others) were: safety around money, emotions, and releasing identities. There are some incredibly deeply rooted stories that have been playing on a loop since letting go of my studio and those stories on repeat are the things that set me back in my growth. Teri 3 years ago didn’t believe she was fully supported by the Universe and as a result, scarcity was a driving factor in her decisions. When it came to my emotions, I was only just starting to feel them in 2021 after having used food, shopping and overworking to avoid them - the thought of sitting with sadness? YIKES! She continued to work, eat, and shop her way through the discomfort of having emotions, only really getting a handle on them within the last year (YAY!). Struggling with consistent movement outside of walking has been difficult and there was some shame around certain activities being more difficult than they used to be. Compassion has improved a lot, but the shame still rises up a wee bit from time to time.
JOURNAL PROMPT: What needs didn’t get met in the last 3-5 years (either by yourself or others)? Do you see any patterns around those needs as in your childhood? Is there a reason why not meeting those needs might be keeping you “safe”?
4. What did you need to hear?
When I do inner child visualizations I always ask people what the younger version of themselves needed to hear, but this applies to us 3-5 years ago as well (or even yesterday you!) When I think about some of the harder conversations I had to have or the experiences that were the most difficult involving other people, the majority of what I needed to hear was: “We will love you even if you change - your body, your approach, your career, your passions.” I have recognized a pattern for me is tying my self worth to different identities, but each time I do that I box myself in believing that I am only loveable and “good enough” for the people who support me if I maintain that thing that they appreciate about me. First of all, these are not the relationships I want. I don’t want people in my life who’s love/respect/etc. is dependent on me staying where THEY are comfortable. As a manifesting generator futuristic person I am born to move and to keep moving. My literal purpose is to put myself through change so I can report back and light the way for the folks coming behind me - this means I have to change and I have to change often. Plus, I tried staying put and god damn was it ever horrible.
JOURNAL PROMPT: What is something you needed to hear in the last 3-5 years when things got hard? How can you offer that to yourself?
5. If I could sit beside my 3–5-years-ago self right now, what would I thank them for enduring, trying, or not giving up on?
This question is one of my favourites because I technically sit next to this version of me whenever I do a coaching for someone - they tend to be me, just me 3-5 years ago! I would thank them for persisting, trusting their instincts, and taking the leaps of faith necessary to grow and evolve. I would thank them for working hard to heal their body, mind & soul and for saying YES! to amazing opportunities that pushed the comfort zone. I would thank them for taking their time, not being hasty, and for literally sitting in the squidge instead of trying to FIX it, feeling it insted. Then, I would give them compassion, grace, and a shift in perspective to see their actions for what they are: strategic, safety, or solutions. I love working with other visionaries, so if I was sitting with me 3-5 years ago I would be able to hold that vision with her, which would probably have made her feel a lot less alone in the “valley” of transition (a benefit to hiring a coach, wink, wink) - in fact, I had hired a coach for $10,000 for 6 months of coaching and it DEFINITELY helped to have someone hold the vision with me and help me peel back the identities that overwhelmed my nervous system. I would let that version of me know that building a foundation takes time and this time we want to go slow, be collaborative and careful, manage our time, energy, and expertise so that we can provide it for those that value it, and above all else, TRUST YOURSELF.
JOURNAL PROMPT: What would you thank past you for doing, trying, not giving up on? What would you say to them? How would you hold space for them? How would you encourage them to do the hard things?
The more we can connect to ourselves the less work we will have to do in the future and the end of the year is a great time to reflect back on how far we’ve come. If you want to continue doing this work, come pop into The Reform School for Good Girls where I will have more questions and a few different resources to help you move through the feelings that come up around these Qs.
