Like a Peony
Yesterday I did a meditation to connect with my soul’s calling for next year. Where is she leading me? The answer I got was: Healing. When I was prompted to imagine what kind of flower my soul would give me to represent my calling - she showed me a peony. But not like a fully opened peony - one that was still tightly wound within itself. As I walked around the peony, questioning what this had to do with healing, I realized that it was about patience and trusting timing. Peonies don’t bloom unless they are watered and fed. Peonies don’t expand in all their glorious fullness unless they are properly taken care of and even when we properly take care of them….it. takes. time.
Patience and the law of timing are 2 things that I’ve always struggled with and am almost certain I’ve already posted a few times about that - but in this instance, I am being called to heal myself so that I can continue to heal others. I am being asked to go inward, to spend time with myself, to block out the noise, and to start listening to the needs and wants of this body, this mind, and this soul.
As I am writing this I am about 40 minutes away from my Dr’s appointment to go over the results of my abdominal ultrasound + look into a few other things. Later today I have a massage. Monday I see the gynecologist - essentially there is a lot of body awareness happening over the next few days. I’ve been listening to my body - cutting out the dairy (eczema is bad enough in the winter), eating more vegetables, eating less sugary things that hurt my tum, etc. but things. take. time. I think this is the lesson I am learning for this next phase of life. The previous phase in hustling for my business was the “let’s just see how much we can accomplish in the least amount of time” - but that isn’t sustainable. I wasn’t able to sustain the relationships I needed to keep me going: my body, my mind, my people. I needed to step back and step up to the next thing, but I can’t until I prioritize myself. Back then I was speeding up to slow down, now I will be slowing down to speed up.
Just like with body image, I see myself as a role model and leader. Don’t do what I say, do what I do. But now - it’s time to put that into practice in regards to work ethic, productivity, rest, and healing. Part of embracing our bodies is appreciating them and taking care of them. This means….prioritizing them. Instead of body love for 2023 - I want body priority (but not in the obsessive way it was when I was orthorexic).
So, in order to fulfill my calling to help heal others, I first have to start with myself and so I shall. I will be like a peony, tight and uncomfortable while being nourished - but then capable of the most beautiful, fragrant expanse.
