My Tedx Talk Went Viral (and then I hid for 2 years)

2 years ago, I stood on the red dot delivering my Tedx talk 5 Reasons You Look Bad in Photos. A talk that I had been practicing since 2019 in FB groups and in small workshops, it was time to bring it to the stage. As a speaker, I am no stranger to speaking on stage and to be honest, once I’m out there, it just feels like I’m talking to friends in my living room. And the Tedx Talk wasn’t much different aside from the structure that we had to adhere to in order to keep ourselves under 12 minutes (I went over a wee bit lol). So, once I did the talk and felt really good about how it went, I went about my life. Then, August 2024 rolled around and we got word that our talks had been edited and were going to be posted to youtube - mine was scheduled for August 19. I got an email saying that my talk was live on youtube so I did what any speaker would do, and I went to check it out! I was so excited! What I saw when I got there, however, were the first handful of comments (probably made by bots) fat shaming me.

Now, I am no stranger to being fat-shamed on the internet. When you exist in a larger body, it (unfortunately) is par for the course when you have a social media account. So, at first I was squidgy but I tucked it down and laughed it off. However, the number of views on my video started accumulating super quickly. I mean negative comments are engagement after all. Interestingly enough, however, there were probably equally, if not more, positive comments - but the damage had been done. As the views creeped up, a part of me - the part that had been bullied as a young kid - pulled back. A panic attack started to rise up within me and in the moment I was very aware of the shaky hands (adrenaline), fast breathing (getting ready to run), tightened jaw (ready to fight) - my nervous system was frazzled. So, with that knowledge - I threw my phone down and parented myself in the best way I knew how: hot shower, heart tapping, self talk, etc. and I thought it was dealt with.

Then, a month and a bit later and I was sitting in my little casa in Puerto Vallarta for my Perfectly Natural Revolution retreat and I got a phone call from the organizer of TedX Winnipeg letting me know that TED (the big TED) was going to feature my talk as Editor’s pick. This meant it would be seen by even more people and I could feel the squidge rise up within me once again. Something that should be super exciting was overshadowed by the part of me that had been hurt the first time around. If I was that scared with being seen by a million people - what would happen if that grew to TWO MILLION PEOPLE? I tried to play it cool and because I was at my retreat, I had something to distract me from actually acknowledging the fear that palpitated under my rib cage. So, that fear settled into my body and my mind. My talk was featured on big TED’s youtube channel and I couldn’t even look at it aside from to grab the link. Every time I would type in Teri Hofford Ted, I could feel my chest fill with cement. So, despite this huge achievement and the wonderful things my talk was doing - I kept pulling back…more and more.

Eventually, I became so risk averse to saying anything of substance online. My self esteem took a huge hit and I fell into a bit of a depression around what I was doing/wanted to do. A part of me was scared and hiding and afraid of being seen and so I eventually the story I told myself was “I’m stuck” or “I don’t know what I want to focus on anymore.” The truth was I did know what I wanted to do because before that Tedx talk and the very thing that got me to do it was knowing that my voice was and is important and what I have to say re: body image and self acceptance was and is important. It helps people consider another perspective beyond the narrative they’ve always been told. But because that part of me was so scared of being seen, it took a lot for me to show up in big ways. I don’t think I’ve posted a youtube video for the masses in years now. Even on social media I would start writing or speaking and then delete it, convincing myself that I had better ways to spend my energy and that people didn’t want to see/hear from me about this. I essentially turned back into that 8 year old girl who was being hurt emotionally and physically by the people seeing her.

Since having this awareness around the fact that I have been hiding for the past 2 years, I still wouldn’t do anything about it. So, the other day I wanted to share the link to my Tedx talk in a photographer’s group because another reason why I did it was to create an invaluable resource for photographers to share with their clients to help them truly see themselves in photos - but as I went to grab the link, I was VERY aware of that cement sitting in my chest again. The fear was palpable, my body was gearing up for a fight again, and I knew that I didn’t want this to be this way anymore. I wanted to speak about and be proud of the talk that I gave.

I used the exact same methods that I teach folks at Body Image Bootcamp & From Cringe to Compassion: the ACE Method + somatic work + Internal Family Systems. With the ACE method, it started with Awareness that I was feeling squidgy to begin with and recognizing where in my body I was feeling it, the Curiosity came in the form of asking myself what outcome I wanted - I wanted to stop hiding and I want to be able to share my tedx talk with pride instead of fear and I want to be able to put myself out there over and over again and be okay that some folks won’t resonate with what I say, how I say it or how I look whilst saying it. Empowered Action was the hardest step of all - facing the fears, choosing something different, rerouting the anxiety that bubbled up inside me. And I’m going to share that process with you below. This is where my somatic work & internal family systems work comes into play. You’ll see me pat, tap, and rub my chest - ultimately, self soothing. Then as I talk to the part of myself that has been scared you’ll hear me reassure her, attempt to calm her while also letting her know that crying is okay, and…I’m not gonna lie, you may get uncomfortable watching me go through it. But this is THE DAMN WORK.

While 43 year old Teri is aware that these opinions and statements coming from hurting people, somewhere inside me was an 8 year old that couldn’t understand why she was being bullied - physically and emotionally - just for existing in her body. The hurt, pain, shame, and trauma that was endured got tucked away beneath beliefs like “My body is the problem”, “My feelings are too big”, and “I shouldn’t be so sensitive.” As I hardened my heart, I turned off the tap to feeling and now, 35 years later after A LOT of inner work, therapy, coaching, studying, and integrating the same methods I teach my students, I am finally capable of breaking through that cage and behind it is all of those feelings being poked by the negative comments on my TedX talk. And this is where, as you witnessed in the video, 43 year old Teri can show up and be what 8 year old me needed back then.

My intent with sharing this is to give you an insight into a few things: 1) The work, unfortunately, is never done BUT it’s required less often and it gets easier 2)To see that even your guides, coaches, and the folks you look to for assistance go through the work - we just might be a few steps ahead on the path and 3) This work…WORKS! After the 14 minutes of discomfort, I felt a huge relief - similar to how you feel after you have a full on sob. I consider that a sign of closing a stress loop that had been open since I gave the tedX talk.

Now, it’s time to come out of hiding. Time to stop playing small. Time to start speaking up again. Time to return with vigor, energy, and so much light that it outshines even the most negative of comments.

And if you want to work with my one on one to learn and apply the ACE method, body image work, or other - check out the spaces & places we can work together here: